My family was thrown for another loop this week. Last week I sent my high school kids back on hybrid schedule and my elementary school kid back full time. My middle schooler was to start a hybrid school schedule this week, but the inevitable happened. One of our family members had close exposure to a person who has tested positive for COVID-19.
By this point in 2020 my family understands quick pivots and changes of plans. We knew we had to schedule a COVID test, call the school, explain our situation, and take the advice of the school administration which meant the whole family will quarantine until we receive the test results of the exposed family member. We knew we had to notify coaches, friends, teachers, coworkers, and clients that we would not be seeing them for a while out of an abundance of caution. We knew our action plan was the best, safest, most responsible way to go.
And…
There is an emotional component to the quick pivot and change. We had JUST started back to school. We had 4 days under our belts and the kids were getting into their new (crazy hard) groove. My middle schooler was about to start his middle school career after not even having closure on his elementary experience and no real middle school orientation. He was all ready, then WHAM! Nope, back to quarantine, but the super strict kind.
Y'all, we had FEELINGS. Fear for health, anger with unfairness, sad because kids will miss friends, anxiety that we will let folks down, fear that the kids will fall behind while in extended quarantine, not to mention uncertainty of what will happen next if one of us becomes ill, distress in inconveniencing others, guilt that we may have exposed another person in the family to COVID, and complete and total FOMO. Everyone had all the feelings all at once. We are not a species that deals with uncertainty well. We forget that we are resilient.
But…
We can cope. We are resilient. We can cope with the loss of certainty and familiarity. What can we do while we wait for answers?
1. Engage in self-care including sleep, hydration, exercise, and nutrition. These are the foundations for dealing with stress regardless of the source. You may find that you cannot sleep well or have a low appetite. Eat anyway. Rest if you cannot actually sleep. If you cannot get to the gym or do a whole Peloton ride, simply go for a walk. If you cannot get your appetite or sleep hygiene in order, reach out to your physician.
2. Seek out professional help with a therapist either IRL or online. There are on-line group support groups along with online individual support.
3. It’s natural to want to take a brain break, but leaning too much on weed or alcohol can make matters worse. There are healthier ways to calm and soothe yourself. Staying grounded instead of disassociated is better for your mental health and coping in the long run.
4. It is also common to feel guilt, even about being healthy or able to continue to do safe socially distanced activities when our friends and family are not. It’s natural to be concerned for others who are quarantining and afraid for when it will be your turn. It’s even natural to feel bad when your COVID tests are negative and your friend’s test is positive and you both had the exact same exposure. It is okay to laugh and live life again. It does not mean you are being disloyal to your sick or quarantined friend loved one whose school has gone all virtual.
5. Share your perspectives Friends, family members, and partners do better when they agree to hear and respect one another’s points of view in these uncertain times. When we act with intentional caring, we create safe places in our relationships, families, and support systems for people to open about their perspectives, which include their concerns, feelings, and needs.
According to Dr. Michael McNulty at the Chicago Relationship Center, “Failure to share leaves people alone with their stress, which can increase feelings of anxiety, panic, and depression. Sharing perspectives in a supportive atmosphere helps people process their experiences and feel securely connected to friends and loved ones. This promotes resilience for all involved.”
Discussions about key issues involving personal perspectives, such as social distancing, managing finances, and others, can become heated. We will not all agree on all of the things. We need to get super comfortable saying this phrase by Dr Boss, pioneer of research on ambiguous loss, “It’s ok if we do not all see it the same way now.”
All around the world we have had to “get comfortable being uncomfortable”. It completely stinks when we think we get a handle on this “new normal” and then NOPE, everything changes again. Flexibility and resiliency are necessary skills in these strange times for sure. So is patience, grace, and gratitude. These are the skills that help me cope. I hope they give you some peace of mind as well.
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*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed mental health therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office.
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