Soiling the Nest: Why You Might Be Picking Fights Before Graduation (And How to Handle It)

"I'm supposed to be happy but nothing feels right"

Senior year is supposed to feel amazing, right? Freedom! Adventure! Late-night Taco Bell runs whenever you want! Now that the school year is wrapping up, its not all fun and games (senior assassin anyone?) Instead of just feeling excited, maybe you’re also:

• Getting super annoyed at your parents (over literally nothing)

• Feeling weird around your friends

• Snapping at people who used to make you laugh

• Wanting to be hugged and left alone at the same time

  
  

If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re just soiling the nest—and it’s actually a normal part of growing up.

Wait, what is "soiling the nest"?

It’s a term therapists use to describe what happens right before a big life change, like leaving home or graduating. You love your people. You appreciate them. But at the same time, your brain is like: "GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CRY."

You might even pick fights or pull away on purpose without realizing it—because leaving feels scary, sad, and overwhelming, and pushing people away sometimes feels easier than saying goodbye.

It’s a totally normal, developmental part of growing up. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But a little self-awareness can make it way less painful—for you and everyone you love.

🧠 Why Is This Happening to Me?

Your nervous system (your brain’s emotion HQ) is working overtime right now. Here’s what's happening:

• Your Watchdog Brain 🐕 is on alert: “Danger! Change is coming!”

• Your Possum Brain 🐿️ might freeze: “Let’s just ignore everything and scroll TikTok for six hours.”

• Your Owl Brain 🦉 (the wise, thinking part) is trying—but struggling—to keep you steady.

Leaving = loss + excitement + fear + freedom + grief. It’s a LOT for one brain to hold at once.

🛠️ How to Stay Self-Aware (and Not Burn Every Bridge on Your Way Out)

Here’s what you can do right now:

🧠 Name it. When you feel the urge to snap at your mom for breathing too loud, literally think: "Oh. I’m probably soiling the nest. It’s normal. I’m okay."Naming it gives you power over it.

💬 Say the real thing. If you can, be real with the people you love: "I’m feeling a lot about leaving. I might act weird, but I care about you."

🏃🏽‍♀️ Move your body. Take a walk, dance to ridiculous music, and jump around. Moving your body helps release nervous system tension.

🧘🏽‍♂️ Plan mini-breaks.If your family is driving you bananas, schedule short solo moments—go get coffee, sit in the backyard, breathe.

💛 Forgive yourself when you mess up. You’re not going to handle every moment perfectly. That’s not the goal. The goal is to stay connected enough so the people you love are still cheering you on from home base.

🎧 Want to Learn More About What’s Going On In Your Brain?

Here are some actually good resources (no boring lectures):

Leaving high school and heading out into the world (whether to college or elsewhere) is exciting but also emotionally challenging. The following resources can help you handle the stress, learn to regulate your emotions, and ease those pre-departure family tensions (aka “soiling the nest”).

Social Media Accounts to Follow (TikTok & Instagram)

• Lindsay Fleming (@lindsay.fleminglpc) – A licensed therapist who creates TikToks specifically for teens and young adults. Lindsay tackles anxiety, ADHD, and the awkwardness of therapy with humor and empathy. She often plays both “therapist” and “client” in skits to show coping skills or debunk mental health myths​goatagency.com.

• Dr. Julie Smith (@drjulie) – A clinical psychologist known for her super-relatable short videos that simplify complex feelings. Dr. Julie uses creative props (think overflowing trash can to represent trauma or a finger trap for anxiety) to visually explain emotions and coping strategies. She’s great at breaking down panic attacks vs. anxiety, depression, and other issues in a clear way.

• Elyse Myers (@elyse_myers) – Elyse isn’t a therapist – she’s a young comedian and storyteller – but she’s become known as “the internet’s best friend” for her candid talks about anxiety, OCD, and feeling like an outsider. She shares funny, raw stories about her own life (like awkward social moments or mental health ups and downs) that make lots of people think “OMG, same!”

Blogs & Websites

• Child Mind Institute – Teen Guides – The Child Mind Institute’s website has a section just for teens with straightforward advice on mental health and communication. For example, their guide on “How to Talk to Your Parents About Getting Help” gives step-by-step tips: choose a low-key time when your parents aren’t distracted, honestly explain how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting you, and be direct that you want help​. It even notes that if your parents brush it off at first (“sounds normal”), you should try again and let them know it’s a big deal to you​.

• JED Foundation’s Set to Go Program – JED, a youth mental health nonprofit, created Set to Go to help high schoolers emotionally prepare for life after graduation. It’s basically a free online toolkit with articles and videos on everything from handling stress in college to budgeting, self-care, and staying connected with family. The student section speaks right to you. One helpful guide, for instance, gives tips on how to talk with your parents if you’re considering a gap year instead of college – it walks you through making a plan, picking the right time to chat, listening to each other, and explaining your view without fights​

• Centerstone’s “Tips for Teens” (Talking to Adults) – Centerstone (a mental health organization) has a teen resource page called “How to talk to your parents and other adults in your life.” It’s a quick, reader-friendly rundown of skills for hard conversations. It acknowledges up front that yeah, talking about serious stuff with parents can be daunting and you might worry about them lecturing or judging. The blog then teaches you things you can control, like choosing who to confide in, how to start an uncomfortable conversation, and ways to get the support you need.

• Wysa Blog – Teen Emotions & Communication – Wysa (a mental health app) runs a blog with articles written in a very teen-understanding voice. One standout piece, “How to Talk to Your Parents about How You Feel”, really gets how hard it can be to open up to parents. It normalizes the fact that many teens find these talks awkward, and anxiety-provoking

Substack Newsletters and Teen Columns

• “This Teenage Life” (Substack & Podcast) – This Teenage Life is an ongoing project where actual teens share their thoughts so that others can feel understood. It’s a Substack newsletter (and podcast) “made by teens about their ideas, stories, and unique perspectives” as they grow up​. The posts (often paired with podcast episodes) cover everything from friendship struggles and mental health to big societal issues – all in the voices of teens who are navigating these topics themselves. The tone is super authentic and relatable (since it’s literally teens talking); reading it feels like listening to a friend who gets what you’re feeling. It’s also empowering to hear peers tackle tough feelings with such honesty. (Bonus: The project’s whole mission is to help young people “feel less alone in the world,” which tells you exactly how supportive it aims to be​thisteenagelife.substack.com.)

• The Teen Mujersista (Advice Column on Substack) – The Teen Mujersista is an independent Substack newsletter by Cata, a teen who bills it as “the world’s first advice column for teens by teens”. In this weekly column, Cata speaks to her fellow teenagers about all kinds of issues you face – from dealing with annoying younger siblings and navigating school stress to bigger topics like self-esteem and social justice. The writing is informal and heartfelt (imagine getting advice from a wise friend your age). Cata often shares personal stories and then offers advice or “life hacks” she’s learned, so it feels very genuine. Because she’s writing from a teen perspective, she isn’t preachy at all; instead, her posts validate that “we have problems too” and give practical suggestions for coping. It’s a great example of peer-to-peer support, and it might even inspire you to write out your own thoughts on leaving the nest.

  
  

Each of these resources can help you feel heard and prepared as you step into a new chapter. Whether you’re watching a 60-second TikTok that perfectly describes your mood or reading a blog that shows you a new coping trick, remember that you’re not alone in the journey. And hey – even if conversations with your parents get tense or messy, these resources can give you tools to handle them with a bit more calm and understanding. Good luck out there! 😊

*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office. Alexa's practice serves the Indianapolis area, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield. Learn more at AlexaGTherapy.com