Anger is a feeling that everyone experiences. We spend time with anger in all of our developmental stages. If you have ever been around a baby or young child, you know that there is no doubt that anger happens in even the earliest phases of life. It is a natural feeling that scales from feeling annoyed on one end to feeling rage on the other. Anger can be difficult to express, uncomfortable to witness, and challenging to understand. It is a nuanced emotion that is associated with judgment from others unlike any other. However, anger is not a “good” or “bad” emotion. Although there is no one agreed-upon definition. The American Psychological Association defines anger as “an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.”
Anger varies in expression based on the bearer’s temperament and personality. In part 1 of this 3-part series, I will write about various types of anger (adapted from the work of Marcus Andrews, LCSW). I hope you will read to learn more about your own expressions and the expressions of others you love. By identifying types of anger, you can manage your own anger in healthy ways and empathize with others who are in the middle of their anger wave.
Volatile Anger is intense and may seem like it appears out of thin air and changes rapidly. It can seem explosive and feel impulsive. Volatile anger can also disappear as rapidly as it appeared. One can have this kind of anger about any range of triggers, big or small. This kind of anger can feel scary to the individual who bears it, but it can be managed. A person who experiences volatile anger would benefit from anger management techniques that focus on identifying feelings of escalation and learn how to intervene with relaxation techniques, trauma work, or cognitive challenges. Friends and family often feel fearful of someone with volatile anger. It is difficult to navigate relationships with people with volatile anger since one never knows when the person will “explode, or how long it will last. Folks end up feeling like they are “walking on eggshells” around their loved one not to “set him off”.
Retaliatory Anger is one of the most common types of anger. It is usually an impulsive response to being attacked or wronged by someone else. When it is not impulsive, this type of anger is purposeful and used to intimidate someone, “get even”, or have revenge on someone who engaged in harm first. We see this in its instinctual form in young children. To manage retaliatory anger, practice pausing, and thinking before you act. Evaluate the situation and make sure you have evaluated the situation correctly. De-escalation techniques are easy to learn and work even better with challenging cognitive distorted thinking.
Judgemental Anger is an emotion most of us have felt, either on the receiving end or on the feeling end. A person with judgmental anger feels sanctimonious, or righteous indignation over someone else who has caused injustice or has not met their expectations. They feel justified and right in their rage. This kind of anger often alienates peers and colleagues. Anger management techniques such as empathy training and challenging distorted all or nothing thinking can help minimize the angry feelings.
Self Abusive Anger is usually based in shame and feelings of being unworthy embarrassed or ashamed. Self-abuse is often internalized anger and is felt as negative self-talk, self-harm, self-sabotage, substance abuse, and other self-destructive behaviors. Techniques to mitigate self-abusive anger include mindfulness training, cognitive-behavioral techniques to address disordered thinking, substitute techniques, and impulse reduction techniques. I recommend doing shame work to address self-abusive anger, starting with any of the writings and or videos by Brene Brown.
Be sure to check back for part 2 of this series where I will cover Behavioral Anger, Overwhelmed Anger, Passive Aggressive Anger, and Assertive Anger.
*If you or a loved one is struggling with anger management, there are some resources to begin here:https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control and here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/anger-management-test and here: https://seasonstherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/What-Causes-Anger.pdf and here for traumatic anger https://store.samhsa.gov/product/tips-survivors-coping-anger-after-disaster-or-other-traumatic-event/pep19-01-01-002 and here for a free video class series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU6OgEMYgQM
If you are seeking a therapist to help with anger management and to address the underlying causes, look for a specialist in anger management, who is trauma-informed, and offers Cognitive Behavioral skills training with their therapy.
Be sure to check back for part 2 of this series where I will cover Behavioral Anger, Chronic Anger, Passive Aggressive Anger, Verbal Anger,and Assertive Anger.
In part 3 I will write about 5 ranges of anger so we can gain a deeper understanding of how anger is often expressed.
*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed mental health therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office.
Alexa's practice serves the Indianapolis area, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield. Learn more @alexagtherapy.com
*Illustrations by Yuko Shimizo
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