This is the final installment of the three part series focusing on anger. I believe, given the current social and interpersonal climate, it is important for us to understand strong angry feelings we are having as well as understanding anger we see in others. The last two weeks we focused on types of anger. This installment will focus on anger expression, or how we act or behave when we are angry. This is the observable part of anger. While you read, please apply the knowledge to how you express anger yourself, and how the folks around you express anger. I want you to challenge yourself not only internally, but as an act of love to understand the pain in others. Remember, anger is a natural feeling and emotion. Everyone feels it, but people express and show their anger in various ways.
I base this piece on my learning from Dr. Ephrem Fernandez, Professor of Psychology at the University of Texas, San Antonio. Dr. Fernandez created six dimensions of anger expression to help us scale behavior we see and perform in everyday scenarios. For the purpose of the six dimensions, I will use the definition that “anger is a subjective feeling of an unpleasantness bound up with the interpretation of an action as wrongful and tied to the inclination toward defiance or antagonism. Behaviors may involve aggression, and physical aggression may culminate in physical injury through acts of violence.” (Fernandez, 2008) Remember, none of these carry judgement. Some may or may not fit in societal norms or your own family values, but it is still important to understand so we have empathy and connection. All the following dimensions are scales and consist of varying ranges of feelings. It is not a binary.
Reflection vs. Deflection: This dimension focuses on how the angry person targets their energy. You may be familiar with the term “get even”. That is reflection. If someone is “getting back” at an offender, they are reflecting anger. The offended and angry person directs their anger at the person who offended them in the first place. The person expressing anger does not seek to punish groups or people involved with the original offender. In historical times, one could show reflective anger by challenging an offender to a duel. A more recent example is the term American Hip Hop group Crime Mob made popular, “Knuck If You Buck” , which aptly describes reflection.
Deflection of anger is when a person who is angry cannot confront or retaliate against their offender, so “takes out” their anger on someone else. If one is angry at his boss and feels unable to address his anger to his boss, he may come home and kick the dog or yell at the children. That is deflecting anger. If a person does not feel safe in direct confrontation, they seek to release anger on folks in close proximity or who are approachable, even when said folks had nothing to do with the original offense. Sometimes people who offend us seem out of reach ie: parents, bosses, law enforcement, or anyone with authority. In these cases we unfairly direct our anger at the closest person or inanimate object (windows, dishes, etc…)
Internalization vs Externalization: This dimension addresses the direction a person expresses anger internally, or within themselves, or externally. People who internalize, or suppress their anger hide it from observers. The offended person takes great care to “stuff their feelings” and hide their angry emotions from others and the offender. People who conceal their anger have many reasons they do so. Many women are taught that anger is naughty, sinful, and unladylike so feel shame in any form of anger expression, so they hide it. Some people internalize because they believe if they let go they will harm someone else. Some conceal anger so that they can plot and plan retaliation or revenge or counter attacks without suspicion or retaliation. Usually this form of anger only succeeds for a while and then will eventually give in to pressure and break free (think of “the straw that broke the camel’s back”) and will be either expressed to the original offender or people in close proximity.
Externalization of course is the expression of anger outside the self. Anger is a response to a stimulus and when felt will naturally be expressed externally. The greater the anger, the bigger the likelihood the anger will be expressed externally. External anger can be expressed verbally with words, varied volume, facial expressions, and physical demonstrations. It can be seen as simply as “a look” “a tone of voice” or simple gestures or as overtly as yelling, aggression and violence.
Resistance vs. Retaliation: This dimension addresses the interpersonal interaction that can result when a person is offended and feels anger. Angry people can show resistance though non cooperation, procrastination, overt non compliance. People who avoid confrontation tend to gravitate to these types of anger expression. In the counseling world, we call this passive aggressive behavior, and in children can be pathological and diagnosed as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. In the political world, it's called civil disobedience. It is tempting to think that this kind of anger is not as damaging since it's covert. However, resistant anger can take its toll by causing confusion, frustration and loss of confidence in the original offender.
Retaliation is a reflective style where an attack is met with a counter attack. It is an exchange of expressions like a punch for a punch, a verbal insult for an insult etc. When this process starts, it becomes cyclical and never ending.
Verbal vs. Physical: This dimension addresses the mode or the way the anger is expressed. The two forms are not at all mutually exclusive and often can be utilized together. Verbal expression can be muttering under one’s breath, covert sarcasm to statements of blame, to yelling and calling names and using profanity.
Physical anger expressions can be simply making faces, aggressive body language, hand gestures, hiting, kicking, punching, or other physical ways to inflict violence on others or property.
Controlled vs Uncontrolled: This is a dimension that refers to how a person regulates their anger. Controlled anger is an attempt to keep anger within “reasonable” limits. A person can use taught techniques about thinking, mindfulness and other anger management techniques to manage anger. Anger control is not the elimination of anger, but the attempt to effectively handle the anger provocation.
Uncontrolled anger is an unbridled expression where someone might act without thinking. It is impulsive in nature and is often explosive. Uncontrolled anger can land anywhere on and vacillate in the verbal and physical dimension.
Restorative vs Punitive: This is the dimension that focuses on the outcome of the expression or consequences of anger. Restorative anger is seen when a person tries to move on or back to normal through apology, repair damage, or just “getting over it”. The goal here is to rid oneself of anger by restoring relationships or forgiveness.
Punitive anger is meant to punish an offender in search of relief from anger. This can look like obsession with getting even or justice. The angry person fixates on their pain therefore on avenging a wrong by making someone suffer, or receiving justice.
Human anger is inevitable. We see it on display every day either intimately or out in the world. Anger serves a function and is part of the human experience. I hope it is helpful to you to look at anger in these ways so you can come to a better understanding of yourself and your social circles.
*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed mental health therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office.
Alexa's practice serves the Indianapolis area, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield. Learn more @alexagtherapy.com
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