You know that feeling when your brain is saying, "Relax, it's a break!" but your nervous system is screaming, "EVERYTHING IS WRONG"? Yeah, was me over Thanksgiving break.
I've written about holiday stress before here https://tinyurl.com/4hy6ca2h and here https://tinyurl.com/3pw3byy3 but this is a tiny bit different. Here’s the scene: my college kids were home and my younger two were also on break from school. It was supposed to feel chill and together. I worked less, and spent hours with my extended family who came from far and wide), and yet… The result? My internal rhythm felt like a toddler banging on a piano. Sleep tanked, fatigue soared, and there was this low-key static buzzing in my brain and flesh like a radio station just barely out of tune.
The whole thing reminded me of past holidays: routine disruptions, that restless hum, memories of trying to please both of my divorced parents and the added bonus of thinking, Why don’t I feel the way I’m “supposed” to?
Enter: Holiday Syndrome (Yes, It’s a Thing)
Fun fact: this week’s message from Megan Neff (see her wonderful visual here https://tinyurl.com/y7nvd43d) reminded me of something I had forgotten—Holiday Syndrome. It’s not just a catchy term; it’s legit psychoanalytic history from the 1950s. Dr. James Cattell (probably in a tweed blazer, let’s be real) described it like this:
The Holiday Syndrome… is characterized by diffuse anxiety, regressive behavior, nostalgia or bitter holiday memories, depressive vibes, and a wish for magical problem-solving.
Basically, the holidays have a way of turning us into time-traveling emotional wrecks:
Emotional Regression: Suddenly snapping at your partner because they used that tone. Again.
Anxiety/Helplessness: Feeling like you’re bracing for some vague doom (maybe the burnt pie, maybe Aunt Susan’s political opinions).
Bittersweet Nostalgia: Crying over a childhood ornament that reminds you of simpler times—or the fact they weren’t all that simple.
Magical Thinking: Believing that one perfect holiday moment (a Hallmark snowball fight?) will fix everything. Spoiler: it won’t.
The Tug-of-War Between “Should Be” and “IS”
Here’s the kicker: we’re supposed to feel all this joy and connection, right? It’s the “most wonderful time of the year”!(Cue eye roll.) But the reality is often a lot messier.
For me, the tension is real. I love the decorations, old favorite holiday movies, fires in the fireplace, and the cozy family vibes we try to create. But there’s also that ever-present hum: restlessness, agitation, grief from the absence of loved ones no longer present, fear of disappointing everyone, and a sprinkle of existential meh.
Neurodivergent? Welcome to the Holiday Olympics
If you’re neurodivergent, the holidays can feel like an extreme sport:
Routine Disruption: Goodbye, structure. Hello, chaos.
Sensory Overload: Lights! Music! Crowds! (Pass the noise-canceling headphones, please.)
Clashing Needs: Balancing your sensory/emotional needs with your family’s? Ha.
Decision Fatigue: Gifts, meals, travel—why so many choices?!
While some people are slowing down, neurodivergent folks might feel like they’re white-knuckling it through a marathon of all the things.
So, What Do We Do?
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be practicing intentional ways to navigate this season without losing my sanity or my soul. How though? For now, here’s step one: Be gentle with yourself.
Start with this mantra: “The holidays can be hard, but I can handle it.” Acknowledge it, breathe it in, and let a little self-compassion crack through the pressure to feel a certain way.
If your vibe this season is more Scrooge than snow-globe serenity, it’s okay. Your feelings are valid—even if they don’t align with glittery Instagram posts or Hallmark movie plots.
But for now, just remember: there’s no “right” way to feel. Honor where you’re at, embrace the messiness and take it one step (or gingerbread cookie) at a time.
P.S. If you need a grounding exercise, channel Robyn Gobbel’s classic move: picture your internal safety cues—maybe a warm blanket, your favorite hot drink, or just imagine that holiday static dimming down to a quiet buzz. ❤️
*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed mental health therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office. Alexa's practice serves the Indianapolis area, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield. Learn more @ alexagtherapy.com
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