“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.”
― Marcus Aurelius
In our country today, it surely feels like we are living in a very divisive time. Many of us are in pain because we feel the tension between family, friends, and religious leaders over social, political, and public health issues that we see in our current existence. Questions like, “Are you wearing a mask?” and “Do you believe black lives matter?” drive wedges into long-standing friendships and relationships. Folks in flight/flight/freeze mode try to figure out how to navigate their own values and what that means for relationships. How could folks with whom we have been friends for so long suddenly feel so distant and strange?
Humans are by nature tribalistic. We tend to veer into groups where we feel seen, heard, respected, and protected. We are social beings. We have groups based on location and region, religion, politics, leisure interests, sports loyalties, professional organizations, etc. Some groups have rivalries where one group competes with the other for who is “the best.” These rivalries, while often divisive (you should see my house at Thanksgiving when the Ohio State loyalists and the University of Michigan loyalists are in the same room during a football game) are usually fun and playful and do not get into moral judgments about who the group member is as a moral person. Mac versus PC folks, while passionate, do not tend to get moralistic and end friendships over a difference of opinion.
It is easy and lazy to just assign one side as right and the other as wrong. It feels good to believe we are “right” and “good” in our values and actions. We want to be on the side of what we believe is the moral side. As a therapist, I feel it is my duty to view humans nonjudgmentally and as openly as possible. (In full disclosure, I’m not as good at this in my personal life as I am in my professional life. But I’m working on it!) In that vein, I am genuinely motivated to want to know how and why people feel, behave, and think the way we do.
A few years ago, I read the work of Jonathan Haidt. I found his analysis and research into moral psychology very helpful in learning to understand the “other” in dichotomies where I find myself. Haidt developed 6 foundations of morality that I believe help in understanding how folks come to choose sides based on their values and ethics. It’s in this vein that most folks draw lines in the sand about who is right and who is wrong or feel that they themselves are right, moral and just. However, if you look at the situation from a moral psychology perspective, both can be moral and right based on what they value. I invite you to look at this list of 6 foundations (from Jonathan Haidt) and see where you feel you are most closely aligned.
1) Care/harm: This foundation is related to our long evolution as mammals with attachment systems and an ability to feel (and dislike) the pain of others. It underlies virtues of kindness, gentleness, and nurturance. Folks in this group are connected to feelings of protectiveness and compassion. This area is where you will see folks who want social justice, physical distancing/facemasks, and universal healthcare anchoring their morality.
2) Fairness/cheating: This foundation is related to the evolutionary process of reciprocal altruism. It generates ideas of justice, rights, and autonomy. This foundation pertains to our ability to maintain cooperation and mutually beneficial relationships. It depends on the virtues of honesty, justice, and dependability. It is tied to emotions such as gratitude, anger, and guilt. You will find folks who are encouraging physical distancing and for everyone to mask up, tapping these virtues to make sure everyone is doing their part. You will find social justice proponents also relying on these virtues to ask for justice for victims of police brutality, and asking for transparency in policing and policy. You will see folks who do not have any symptoms of Coronavirus feeling cheated that they have to give up their rights to work and support their family when the virus has not affected them personally. It is not fair that the business owners have to declare bankruptcy and lose income stability when the virus has not impacted their own smaller community in ways it has the larger community.
3) Loyalty/betrayal: This foundation is related to our long history as tribal creatures able to form shifting coalitions. It underlies virtues of patriotism and self-sacrifice and bravery for the group. It is active anytime people feel that it’s “one for all, and all for one.” It is tied to emotions like pride and a sense of belonging. You will find a strong sense of disgust when someone with a primarily loyal value feels that a person or group of people do not follow the fold. If you do not toe the line with a loyalist, or criticize, you can be “canceled” or called a traitor. You can find many folks who value loyalty, who fight the BLM movement because they believe that they have to stay loyal to their own in-group (all lives matter), or stay loyal to police officers (blue lives matter) with absolutism. You can find this moral struggle with folks who are in the dilemma of following the word of the dogma of the church or political party versus what they feel is right for them as an individual.
4) Authority/subversion: This foundation was shaped by our long primate history of hierarchical social interactions. It underlies the benefits of leadership and followership, including deference to legitimate authority and respect for traditions. We find these social hierarchies in animals such as elephants, wolves and dolphins. Authority was shaped by humanity's long history of bonding together in hierarchical social interactions. It underlies the virtues of respect for tradition and deference to legitimate authority. It is tied to emotions such as fear, respect, and awe. Folks who highly value the authority moral will follow directions of their priests, teachers, and political leaders and have little tolerance for those who disobey. We will find these morals in folks who support the President and anger towards folks that do not or even subvert his ideas and policies. We also see folks who oppose “big government” because they want more local authority in government. You may see folks who value authority staunchly stand with police officers accused of brutality, believing that the alleged victim should have simply followed the law.
5) Sanctity/degradation: This foundation was shaped by the psychology of disgust and contamination. It underlies religious notions of striving to live in an elevated, less carnal, more noble way. It underlies the widespread idea that the body is a temple which can be desecrated by immoral activities and contaminants. Sanctity pertains to people's need to avoid disease and parasites. It underlies the phenomenon of cultural taboos and fuels the commitment to live in a manner that abstains from indulgence in sensory desires. It is tied to emotions such as sanctity, piety, and disgust. The vaccine debates land here in this moral center as well as care, authority, and liberty. Some people believe that their body is a temple and do not want injections of any kind. Virginity pledges and opposition to public breastfeeding can find a moral base here. Some sanctity centrists use this moral to object to same-sex marriage. Folks who want to remove statues to confederate soldiers may be low on the sanctity moral center, and folks who want to protect rainforests or tribal lands may be higher on the sanctity moral. Mask debate relates here as well as some folks feeling disgusted by wearing masks and breathing in their own Co2. We see folks who are upset about protesters showing anger outwardly by smashing windows or tagging buildings with spray paint feeling that the sanctity of the building is desecrated, causing a moral crisis.
6) Liberty/oppression: This foundation is about the feelings of reactance and resentment people feel toward those who dominate them and restrict their liberty. Its intuitions are often in tension with those of the authority foundation. The hatred of bullies and dominators motivates people to come together, in solidarity, to oppose or take down the oppressor. This foundation is related to the individual's need to be his own master and to avoid the dominant social morals imposed by the group. It underlies the virtues of independence and autonomy. It is tied to emotions such as self-sufficiency and defiance. People with strong liberty morals tend to value reason over emotion. Liberty focused moralists often refer to the “right to be left alone,” and show strong reactance toward social or legal pressures to join groups or assume obligations toward others that are not freely chosen (Iyer, Koleva, Graham, Ditto and Haidt, 2012). Proponents of public breastfeeding can base their moral foundation here in combination with the care foundation. Folks that oppose “peanut-free zones ” in cafeterias base their position on the liberty moral. You will find the mask debate here as well. Strong liberty moralists will push back against mask mandates, vaccinations, gun safety regulations due to feelings of oppression. Some social justice proponents will use liberty morals to fight for freedom from oppression for issues such as systemic racism, sexism, and ableism. Personal freedom is the highest priority.
The value in learning about people’s moral foundations is to understand them better and see the “other” as a moral human being. We all have all the above moral values, Some of us just value one foundation over the other. When we see the humanity in others, we have a better chance of having real conversations that do not tailspin into name-calling and cancel culture. Learn about your own foundations, then seek to learn about your friends and family who you may struggle with right now. We are all in the same boat, like it or not. If we can find a sense of empathy, we have a caring and solid place to start having real courageous conversations.
Photo credit Gracia Lam
*Alexa Griffith, LMHC, LCAC, NCC, RPT is a licensed mental health therapist. Alexa enjoys providing individual counseling and family counseling. She also provides play therapy for children, as well as teen and adolescent counseling via telehealth or in office.
Alexa's practice serves the Indianapolis area, including Carmel, Fishers, Noblesville, Zionsville, and Westfield. Learn more @ alexagtherapy.com
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