If you—or your child—melt down, shut down, or panic when asked to do something simple, it may be Pervasive Demand for Autonomy (PDA). This isn’t defiance—it’s a nervous system reacting to a loss of control. Inspired by Dr. Megan Neff and Robyn Gobbel, this blog explores PDA in kids and adults, explains why it’s misunderstood, and shares tools to support safety, connection, and regulation.

As a therapist I was very familiar with how trauma works and what to expect. However, I still felt like I could lose my grip.